I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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