Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
