She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
