Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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