i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
