So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
