My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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