Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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