ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
