my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
