I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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