I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
