Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
