Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
