Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
