she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
