I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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