Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
