Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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