can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
