Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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