I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
