it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
