doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
