meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
