Swine flu. Run for my life!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Two words: blizzard sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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