There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
