Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
