How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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