no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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