some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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