So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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