trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
