i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
