If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
