I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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