Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
