Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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