people are starting to question the shark bite story
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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