Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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