Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
