It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
