Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I could make wine with my vomit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
