I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
