I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
