just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
