Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
