I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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