just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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