i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
