My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
