he wants to bone in the snuggie
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
