im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
