he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
